Over the years, I’ve heard a reoccurring theme from many women actively dating: they are discovering a lot of immature men who act more like teenage boys. Whether it’s the man that can’t commit to anything, or the man in his thirties still living in his parent’s basement playing video games all day, there is growing frustration.
Why happened to the essential qualities that make a man a real man? Mostly I believe our society has allowed it. A lot of boys are growing up today without direction from good parenting and role models. As a teacher, I see more and more children raising children.
So today I decided to write a post on what a woman can really appreciates in a man. The list below reflects what I have learned over the years, both from life and the woman I have been with. Some of the items stem from the mistakes I made with my ex-wife. Some of the items I am still consciously growing in.
I have left out the obvious things women need and want, like a man being caring, compassionate, giving, etc. Of course a real man knows how to give a woman these things should he choose to commit. The purpose of this short list is to go a little deeper and focus on the essential qualities that ultimately enables a man to provide true benefit to himself, the world, and bring lasting fulfillment to the woman he’s with.
1. Women Want a Man that knows his Life’s Purpose
A man needs to have a clear vision of his future. Once he has learned from his mistakes, he finds the courage, strength and fortitude and embarks upon the path to get there unwavering. Further mistakes along the way may cause him to change course, but the end destination remains the same. Ultimately, he has learned to look within himself and know what he truly desires. He finds strength and vision from his inner self. He does not rely on anyone else to show him his purpose, although he accepts encouragement and advice from those who have already proven themselves.
A woman respects a man that knows who he is, what he wants, and then goes after it. Any man who flits through life always redefining himself, changing his goals, and never finishing tasks, is a life of immaturity. This type of man is really still a boy. And he remains so until he figures himself out.
This doesn’t mean there aren’t many roadblocks that cause self-doubt and slows progress along the way. It doesn’t mean that he won’t have a variety of experiences and mistakes that cause him to lose his footing from time to time, but a man quickly regains that footing and continues the climb towards his life purpose.
What makes you really tick? What are you passionate about? When a man figures out his life purpose, it will always contribute something positive to our world in some way. If it doesn’t, it’s probably not your real life purpose.
Figuring your life’s purpose is perhaps one of the most challenging lessons life has to offer, but doing so will command great respect from a woman as long as you act on it. At the very least, there will be less women out there complaining about guys playing video games all day in a basement. 🙂
2. Women Want a Man Who Doesn’t Have to Rely on Her for His Strength and Happiness
There is a big difference between appreciating your partner adding extra joy and happiness to your life and relying on them for that joy and happiness. I love a woman’s support, and I realize everything that a good woman can bring to the table. I also love to reciprocate. But do I need her to be the source of my strength and happiness? If so, I better get prepared to suffer emotionally at some point. The minute she wants to do something that doesn’t align with my happiness, game over. I’m probably going to want to retaliate. Maybe even control and manipulate to get my way. And then she’s going to resent me. What follows? A lot of arguing. Get the point?
Others will eventually disappoint you. Even your significant other. It’s a fact of life. Be prepared for it by finding happiness in yourself first. If you don’t, that unhappiness is eventually going to spill over to your partner in some form or another. We can only truly give to another fairly and fully when we can first be content with ourselves. True happiness and strength comes from within, not from without. The one who realizes and lives this motto will have the stability to give something of value to his partner when things don’t always go so good. And in the long run she’ll appreciate him for it because it can only give her a lot more freedom in her own life path.
3. Women Want a Man that Exhibits Emotional Stability
A real man has learned to control his emotions. Some men are more emotional than others. But these emotions must be balanced, controlled, and channeled in positive ways. That’s real masculinity in a man.
Being too quick to display emotions like anger, jealously, fear, anxiousness, being impulsive, panic, defensiveness, and self-pity makes you live life irrationally. Not only are uncontrolled emotions counterproductive to yourself, but they cause pain to the people around you. No woman wants an emotionally unstable man. Eventually they’re going to be looking for the exit door.
4. A Woman Appreciates a Man that is Thankful for the Good Things Already in His Life
A real man realizes the good things that he has, and he learns to be thankful for them. He doesn’t complain about what he doesn’t have, but rather learns to enjoy the challenge of getting more through conscious growth and improvement. However, along the way he remembers to be responsible with both the material and non-material things already within his possession or influence. A man that doesn’t learn to appreciate what he already has by continuing to upkeep and cultivate those things doesn’t deserve anything more. Appreciate and be thankful for what you have so you can receive more for the benefit of yourself and your partner.
5. A Woman Wants a Man that Keeps His Word
Part of keeping your word to your significant other is knowing whether or not you can come through. We often promise something with the best of intentions, but never get it done because we didn’t really have the time, resources, ability, or true desire to carry out what we’ve committed to. A real man is hesitate to make promises or state what he will do, because he has consciously considered what it entails. One good way to lose the respect of a good woman is to get into the habit of making promises and then falling into the pattern of not fulfilling them. A woman wants a man that chooses his commitments carefully.
6. A Woman Wants a Man that Isn’t Afraid to Lead
I am going to brutally honest here: a man that is afraid to lead forces the woman to. Women want a man that knows how to step up to the plate and make conscious decisions that carry both of you forward. If you do not, she’ll feel the need to, especially if nothing positive is getting accomplished. I’ve seen a lot of woman who wear the pants in the relationship, and sometimes it seems to work on the surface. But if you get to know these couples behind the scenes, I’ve always witnessed a lot of contention. It’s as if the woman resents her partner, and this resentment manifests through nagging and control. And I don’t blame her. She’s is just venting her frustration with a partner that always just goes with the flow and puts all the responsibility on her.
Some women like to lead beside the man. They like to have equal input in the relationship. I believe that’s the best combination, as long as the man is contributing fifty percent and you’re both truly working as a team.
Sometimes the women might have to take the lead if she’s better qualified in a certain area that requires a major decision. But overall, I believe a woman finds it wildly attractive when a man knows how to produce positive results through taking the lead.
7. A Woman Wants a Man that Knows How to Listen
A real man learns the value of listening. Especially to a committed partner. When something is important to her, she’ll let you know. You need to take notice.
Sometimes a woman just wants to talk. To vent. To share about her day. Learning to become a good listener to her thoughts, opinions, and emotions builds a level of social intimacy that will greatly reward you later. She’ll trust that she can approach you and you’re really going to be there for her, and she’ll return the favor.
I found this to be the one of the hardest things to do when I was young and married. I was a terrible listener. The result? Well…we’re divorced. But you live and you learn from your mistakes.
In the next post I’ll share a simple method that gives you the ability to become an expert listener. Cheers!