Hello and welcome to my divorce recovery & lifestyle blog
Join me as I document my journey to 100% recovery, wholeness, and exuberance. Through sharing my thoughts, photographs and experiences, I hope to inspire you to start your own journey.
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Struggling With Divorce?
This short guide is aimed at No Fault, or No Contest Divorce in Texas, but it will work for whatever your situation might be, and it works. It’ll save you money, and a ton of peace of mind as
well.
The first thing you’ll need is a calm head, and a bit of clear thinking. If you can bear to be in the same room as each other, and you are 100% convinced that divorce is the only answer, then try this:
Try and meet somewhere neutral, not a bar, as we don’t want alcohol guiding poor judgement, nor do we want interfering friends present (however well intentioned). The purpose of your meeting is to decide where to go from here, and more importantly, who gets what.
This will help with the proceedings and it will also help both of you see what you will both be walking away with – equally important in my book.
Now I am assuming that at this stage, you both have resigned yourselves to divorce, and are both fairly happy with walking away with what you can, as well as some shred of dignity.
For those that aren’t interested in this noble route, then try THIS. What you are going to do once you have talked, and verbally decided what you should each get, is divide things up starting with the house contents.
If the meeting thing is not a good idea just yet – but you still want to both come away happy, then you can make verbal lists, write notes, emails, whatever you want – but at some stage, you are both going to have to walk around the house and make a very detailed list of everything you have.
The reason for this is simple – divide your stuff up, without a clock ticking away the dollars, without expensive phone calls or arbitration over dining room tables, etc, and what’s more its free – and it’ll help you have a clear picture of exactly what to expect. I know its going to be hard, and it will be much easier if you can do this on separate days – ideally with the person going first making the list of everything, and I mean everything.
Once they have made a master list for both of you, they can copy it, and place a check by the things they would like – they can hand the original list (without checks), to the partner, and they can then walk around and make similar check marks.
Do this a few times, and try and check the things you really would like, and not things you’d like just so you can annoy your ex. Once this is completed, you can move on and do the same with your bank accounts and other assets.
Remember, you have still not engaged a lawyer at this stage, this is all you guys, and it’s cost nothing so far; just some self discipline, and a bit of time. The idea is to each have a general idea of what the other wants to take away – and please, if you don’t want something but know your partner will be upset if they don’t get it, do the right thing, and let them have it.
- Right, you can take a few days each over this, and walk around the house a few times, to make sure everything is covered, if anything is missing from the list, add it, and let your ex know.
- Next, we will add the list into a document, or simply scan it and email it to your partner, or hand them a copy.
- Then, you each get a day or two with the others list, and yours, side by side. Make another list of the things you are willing to concede on, and the ones that simply cannot be given to the other.
- Send these back and forth as required, until you have come to some semblance of an agreement. This will be tough, and very stressful, but get it done, and you are good to go. Prepare a final list (two lists actually) with both your names and what each of you wants.
- Now do the same stages for the property you own, and if it’s not owned outright, who will continue to live in the home, and what percentage of mortgage (if not all), are they going to pay. What will happen to the home once it is paid for. What share shall each party get should the property be sold etc.
- Repeat for bank accounts, credit card accounts, loans, cars and car payments etc. I appreciate that this is tedious, and dull, and extremely stressful. But you will save a load of money, and some stress in the long run.
So in the end, you should have a complete list, of everything you owned between you, and again I must say, this is pretty much it for no contest type divorces. Type it up, and make it look good, it might also be an idea to get it witnessed by 2 independent individuals.
Now you can either use this as a document for the division of property, and a useful reference should those rows begin, or you could get a lawyer between you, and ask them to make your document, a legal one. This should only cost a few hundred dollars. And that’s it.
I wish you the very best of luck during this horrible time.